Contemplative

I have never truly given up on anything important. As much as I would love to just give up and walk away from this life, I know that I wont.

"almost all suicides are spur of the moment due to the fact that your self preservantion instinct kicks in if you think about it to much"

maybe that is true. maybe thats why some suicide attempts are the last time a person thinks about suicide.
I once read a book (fiction) about 4 teens who wanted to commit suicide and they had all tried it but never succeeded. without saying much else about it, the story was told by a boy who had tried to commit suicide multiple times.
every time he tried to commit suicide his body objected. He first attempt suicide by drowning himself, he said that while he was at the bottom of the pool he even tried to breathe in the water, his body wouldnt let him. he waited at the bottom for awhile yet he still couldnt drown. Pills only knocked him out and he slept it off. He cut his wrists and he passed out and his blood clotted preventing him from bleeding out. He tried a couple other things but i cant remember them.

he had plotted each attempt and even though they werent all spur of the moment, his body's self preservation instincts kicked in.

Maybe this shows us that we are meant to live. to live a long life. no where does it say that we are suppose to be happy all the time. I dont remember what happy feels like. I know that at certain times I was happy. I remember being happy, I just dont remember what it felt like. Maybe we shouldnt give up because things are horrible, because our world is falling apart. Or whatever our reasons. I dont have anything to live for, I dont have any hope. but maybe its not time to give up. maybe we chould hold on to this life. we were given life for some reason. I constantly suffer, I dont want to go on but I wont give up because maybe my happiness will come years from now. or maybe not. but why not fight for tomorrow? live today and fight like hell for tomorrow.

idk if any of this made and sense. idk what I was trying to say.