Saturday, December 26, 2009

the past

How do you forget the past?
just let it go?

I have been working hard on trying to letting the past go.
letting the past, stay in the past.
Yet I always get pulled back in.

I let my past rule my life.

I come so close to letting somethings of the past go and then it's as if the wound, I had thought had healed, is torn right open.

I know I can not really forget the past.
I know I need to let it go.
I know the past is who I am.


Sometimes I just get this feeling that I am so alone.
Even though I know that I am not.
I just feel empty, afraid and as if there is a huge hole in me.
I hate the feeling.
I would rather feel pain than this feeling.
I would rather feel anything than this feeling...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Trapped

Trapped..

trapped by reality.
why cant i move forward?

i cant go back.
i cant go forward.
im trapped. stuck.

today sucked.
-im missing almost $600 from my bank account.
-had an interview and they told me it was cancelled but failed to call me.
-the guy. the one i can never forget, decided to be an asshole to me today. for no reason.
-the head aches are coming back, when they come the spasms soon follow.
-im getting sicker.
-im having the chance i passed up, getting waved in front of my face again.

ive been doing better too.
i have wonderful frieends, yet i still feel so alone.
i dont want to be alone anymore.
im tired of the pain. hurt. suffering.
i want it to be over.
but as said before, i wont give up.

idk what to do anymore...
i want to fade away, disappear.
i will come back...i promise.

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Memory:

i dont want to remember tonight....