Something New

Updates, yay!

I guess I will start this off with good news, I've been feeling okay lately.

I am now 19. I used to think I was lucky to live past 5. Then lucky to make it past 14. As the years went on I was waiting for something to happen. Like my life has been this never ending joke. "haha you lived today but maybe not tomorrow". Like every year I was lucky to make it. I turned 18 and thought "wow. I can leave this place." Then I remembered I can't. Age is only a number. It doesn't mean anything when it comes to life. It doesn't tell you someone's experiences or how they will be in another year. Age is only important when it comes to the law. When it comes to life experiences you can't judge someone by their age. Six months before my 19th birthday I was told my health insurance was going away at 19. I started dreading my own birthday, even more than I ever had before. It didn't seem fair, I have fought for so long to beat this illness/illnesses and now it didn't matter how hard I fought because now I can't afford to fight. A friend told me I should married a rich guy so he can pay my medical bills. Sometimes that doesn't sound like a bad idea. But I won't do it. So my medical insurance is gone and I am left wondering if may it is a good idea to just give up. Just break away from all the bad...

In the last couple of weeks I have met some interesting people. They have each shown me a lot about others and myself. I wish I could repay them.

I am starting to like someone. Someone I didn't think was possible for me to like. He isn't someone I would have ever thought would give me a second glance. Last night he told me he really liked me, in every way possible. It is odd for me.

I will leave with a memory. A happy one.

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A few friends showing up at another friends.
Each one walking in and giving me a hug.
One friend sits in a chair across from me and starts throwing a pillow back and forth between he and I. I reach for the stuffed dog toy and through it at him. He throws it back at me and this continues for a little bit. He starts tossing it in the air and I joke that he loves playing with toys. We joke and joke. As he gets ready to leave a part of me is sad to see him go. I know I won't see him for awhile. I know that he wants to stay but he can't. He hugs me goodbye and tells me he will call me later.
Right after that another friend runs at me from the back of the house and hugs me as tight as he can. I laugh and after we all just sit around joking and talking, we decide to leave. We spend the night laughing and telling stories. We hung out in Steak N' Shake for 2 hours. We took too many photos and laughed too much. Later it started to pour down raining and we pulled over and got out of the car and danced and played in the rain. Blaring music and singing at the top of our lungs.
We ended the night back at my friend's house by sitting around talking about life. About the future.
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This was how I spent my birthday. My friend threw me a party with a couple friends. I needed that night and I had fun. Left a memory I want to always remember.