PawPaw

I don't really know who reads this. I have shown it to a few people but they probably havent looked again, nothing wrong with that...

I don't know anymore. Today was crazy.
The guy who took so much from me, is here.
He has been all day.
Whenever he is around I get this bad feeling as if I know something bad is going to happen again. This feeling has caused me to throw up 3 and now almost 4 times today... I hate this. It wont go away. This feeling is making me sick all together. I want it to go away, I want him to go away...

On another point:
I have dreaded my own birthday every year since I was 8 getting ready to turn 9.
Less than a month before I turned 9, my grandfather died. He was my hero. The only male figure in my life at the time that was worth having.

I had a hard time with his death and I still do if I think to much about it... No one ever knew that, that is why I hated birthdays so much.

Now mine is not even a week away and I want it to be over. So I can go back to being ignored...
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Memory:

Couldnt have been 8 but a couple months.
Waking up in the middle of the night, scared..
All I wanted was him.
He made everything bad go away.
Moving my brother so I could lay next to him.
With him I knew I would always be safe.
I would never have to be afraid...

The night my grandpa made me safe. But you should never feel safe, that is when the world crashes down. He died only months later...... He was my pawpaw