regret

It is 3:48 am and I am still awake..yay!! I was going to sign off and go read but then I started readin through every post i made. I whine alot. haha.

I noticed I mever said something that is important to me. Maybe important to others. Not many people will say it but I will and I mean it: I do not regret anything I have done, although I regret the things I didnt do when I should have/had the chance to.

Marilyn Monroe said "Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted." I think that is true. Well as far as things I have done. I have not always made the best choices and if i could go back i would but I do not regret them.

I didnt have a say in most things growing up. I just did what I had to do. That is life. We make decisions and we deal with the consequences. Denying or ignoring what we do, is childish. We make our beds and we have to sleep in them.

The last post I said I was going to start hoping...I dont know what the hell I was thinking.
In a way maybe I have. I hope my brother will be ok but I dont have the faith he will be. He doesnt know any of this. He doesnt know he has to go to the doctor about his recovery. He was so little when it happened. The little butthead made me cry the whole time when he was in the hospital... They said he was brain dead, he woke out of a coma. They said he would be lucky to be out of the hospital in 6 months, he was out in 3. They said he would be a vegetable, he is a star football player. They said he wouldnt remember anything before the accident, he doesnt. He proved them wrong in the worst situations but they were right about one thing. He doesnt remember much before the accident. Which, sadly, is a good thing. He doesnt remember the bad things our mother did. He just remembers our grandfather and trips to the farm.

I hope he will be ok. I hope he will be ok. I hope he will be ok....
Things happen in 3s. So I'll say it three times.

This post is random and unexpected even from me. Lately I have so much on my mind. Surprisingly I am doing well in school. So one thing I dont have to worry about.
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Memory:

Hanging out with my best friend.
A night in spring.
Getting a phone call from my mother at the hospital.
A drunk/high driver hit the car.
All impact went to my brother.
He looked dead.
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- It was an April night. My mother, sister and brother went to see a movie and as they entered the town, someone idiot hit the passenger's side of the van. my sister in the passenger seat, only had a mark from the seat belt. all the impact hit my brother in the back of the van. He was flown out of the hospital to a bigger and better one in the city. He was in a coma for almost 2 weeks. The driver got 3 tickets: no seatbelt, crossing the yellow line, speeding. they didnt test him for drugs or alcohol because he said he hated needles but he reeked of booze and pot. The cops said had my brother been wearing a seatbelt, he would be dead. when the vechile hit, my brother was thrown into the other seat, it saved his life.

I dont wear my seat belt because it would have killed my brother and a couple of my friends have died because they were wearing their's. i get a lot of tickets too. the cop finally gave up and called me stubborn.... gotta love small town cops.